Sunday, March 14, 2010

小女人的心事告白

留学两年,一年实习,加一年的工作经验,
今年是我离开家里的第五年。
五年里,我才区区回过两次。

我刚订婚不久,
打过一通电话给我最好的朋友。
朋友在电话中叹气...

[唉... 那你又不回来?]

我也是的。
常把想家挂在嘴边,
自己却没实行回家的意思,
是家人、朋友都会生气,对不?

去年的年头,原本连机票都买好,准备要回家了。
当时因为很稀罕这份工作(那时也刚好有几个药剂师一样面试这份职位),
当时的新老板又肯高薪请我做Pharmacist in charge,
想到工作当前,就把回家的机会磨灭掉。
事后,也有耿耿于怀,这决定是对还是错?

我爸爸是个很明白事理的人,
就像那时候老公安慰我那样。
或许你很好奇,我为何对这件事会那么执著?
因为,
四年前我离开的时候,
我马麻在电话里哭了。
哥哥跟老婆在东马,
弟弟在马六甲念大学(交了朋友就少回家),
马麻那时候因为工作压力而辞职,
突然失去了我们,她会很寂寞的。

大学过后,死党们都分散澳洲各地。
最要好的那个,坐飞机都要坐上好几个小时才见到面。
所以我订婚的时候,除了双方的同事和老公的父母以外,
就没别的了。
确实有点安静,还好我有老公陪。
他很怕我焖,常常会买很多礼物逗我笑。

偶尔,跟住在Adelaide的三姨在电话中有聊到说,
不喜欢这里。

[不要紧咯!寂寞就跟Alex去香港,去日本玩。Aunty不会说话,不懂安慰你。
Aunty以前结婚的时候,同样也是没有家人在。不过,现在Aunty不是一样好好的吗?]

嗯。Aunty跟我马麻长得很像。
跟她说话就像跟自己的妈妈哭诉。
说完了,心就静了下来。

我是一个很怕寂寞的人。
知道澳洲每一个人都很早起很早睡,
我就开始明白,这里不适合我。
我老公虽然是个在英国长大的混血儿,
思想反而很保守,很有家庭观念。
跟我一样,他也很爱吃中餐,很爱到东方国家游玩。
(去日本香港也是他建议的)
我真的很幸运能认识到一个能了解我背景的伴侣,
也很开心能把这位那么呵护我的男人介绍给我爸爸。

你们应该都猜得到,我怎么不回去好好找份工呢?

最大的原因是,因为我老公语言不通。
而且,我们的学历是澳洲取来的,到外国发展会很吃力。

这个话题,不知重复了多少遍。
老公欣赏香港的魄力和潜质,我何尝不是?
无奈,我只不过是个小鸟依人,
想到真的是要放弃一切豁出去,心里就是怕怕。
突然间,我好佩服那些移民的朋友。

多亏现代世界,科技发达,
有面子书,我望梅止渴的地方。
也有部落,我心事告白的地方。
至少,我如今的生活里,多了一丝丝的希望。

我最亲爱的家人和朋友,
请你们都别怪我撇下责任的任性,
没办法参与你们的活动(婚礼、生日、毕业典礼、贝比诞生、新年、聚餐、全家福、旅行等)已是我最大的惩罚。
我希望,我们能早日再相见。

祝你们永远安康。
我也要努力加油!

5 comments:

CL said...

Hello Mia

Have you considered Singapore? Life is probably more hectic here but it is close to Malaysia and Australia. In terms of lifestyle, anyone who can take Malaysia/Aust/HKG should be able to survive here. There should be no worries about your qualifications here as well. And according to my friend who is a Pharmacist in a private hospital here, the industry is very niche and pharmacists are always in demand.

I have a girlfriend who was borned and raised in Singapore. She completed her uni education in a local uni as well. After working for 2 years, she left for a job opportunity in New York. Being a very homely person, she makes it a point to come back once every year. This Chinese New Year, she came back with her American boyfriend who has just proposed to her! She is as lucky as you, the boyfriend is also very understanding. Being a US citizen, he has never ventured into Asia. But he is willing to visit Singapore this time to meet her family and to further consider if they are able to settle down here in future.

Alternatively, how about swopping 1 of the HKG/Japan trip for Malaysia? Trip can be extended after a trip home, to other places in Malaysia, to neighbouring cities like Spore, Bangkok or places like Batam, Bali and Phuket.

Just some of my humble opinion. Hope you cheer up soon :)


CL
~your blog reader from Singapore

vivian said...

我感受到了你想家的无奈,对家人朋友的那份亏欠。我相信你的家人也会明白你的,只是可以的话,多点回去吧。。珍惜家人相处的时光。祝福你

mia said...

CL:

I truly appreciate the time you have put into considering the options for my current dilemma. We have been considering the first option. Afterall, we do not have to practise as a Pharmacist for living. We can be English tutors instead, for example. Like your girlfriend, we are still researching on that possibility. I am definitely losing my self-confidence as I grew older, CL. I fear about making "big" decision like this. Whatever the future lifestyle is like, I will still like Alex to live as comfortably as he can. For instance, if he is not ready to embark on a new asian lifestyle, I will not force a change. As we both have several local commitments to look after, maybe the latter option works!

当了Pharmacist manager,我们一年只能有N天的假期。我老公他偏偏喜欢把假期留给奖励自己(which is understanble as we work long hours for a week),所以他选择没有亲戚朋友的香港(因为不用应酬他人,当中也因为我们只有短短那几天,香港交通比较方便的关系)。我想,等来等去,我还是自己找时间回去看看我的家人好了。

Thank you very much CL for your time and your comment. Much appreciated. It does ring a bell to me!

Vivian:

谢谢你的关心。我想我的心还是离不开家里。我会珍惜家人相处的时光~ 谢谢你!

Colin Woon said...

Your dilemma was once my dilemma too! I'm too chicken for change. I'm so use to it here I can't even picture myself in a different city, let alone country. I guess I have settled. Oh, and I'm lazy to move too...hehehe...

mia said...

That's exactly how I feel Colin. I can't bear with all the stress and hassle with moving from one city to another, especially if you can't guarantee the latter life will be better than before.

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